Last weekend, a kind Home Depot employee stopped me on the way out with my three children and asked her if she could give my three children full-size candy canes before we left. I have never been so happy to wear a mask. This allows me to conceal my gritted teeth and reluctantly say: "Of course."

I mean, honestly, what are my other options? My children have seen her basket full of hook-shaped candies, and they are all excited about the opportunity to eat the 7000th candy cane of this season. Rejection makes me look like a total miser.

To be more specific, I kind of hate that you have to see through industrial-strength plastic to get access to real candy canes.

I want to ask this lady in the hardware store if she is willing to provide free box-opening knives-maybe that way I can really give my children their mints instead of being in mine like a frustrated person Behind the wheel of the minivan gnaws them the rodent woman performs a task she never agreed to accept.

I have encountered a candy cane with perforated packaging on rare and happy occasions, but sometimes I wonder if they are just a dream or wishful thinking. Have I ever tried to identify the brand or have been exposed to these crunchy, sugary unicorns? of course not. They are the four-leaf clover of the Christmas season. The perforated sugarcane wrapper is Bigfoot. They are the jersey demons. Loch Ness Monster. People swear they exist, but almost no one has seen them.

They are everywhere. Everyone who wants to spread the happy holidays to my children seems to be thinking, “Do you know that what young young people want is more important than anything? A long mint, the outer packaging is very durable and can withstand Re-entry from outer space." They continued to give these delicious-looking snacks to my almost helpless children, and their life in the suburbs of Tennessee provided them with precise zero survival skills. Their snacks are wrapped in a suction-sealed plastic lining with no obvious entrance. Do you know who will have to dig these suction cups-without breaking the candy and risking the subsequent collapse?

I. Third time. Damn it every time.

Of course, I can let my innocent children chew in their own way like I did in the 1980s, but isn't the whole point of raising children to save our children from the struggles we had to face? If I just threw candy canes in the back seat and told my darlings that they belonged to them, what kind of mother would I be?

Should they be just for acting? My mother used to hang all the candy canes on our Christmas tree every year, and now I know why. She wants me to think of them as decorations, so I won't let her open them every five seconds!

And you know, if mints were the only candy available, that would be bad enough. I think my kids will get tired of that smell around December 15th. but not. We now have a variety of delicious, fruity, and even chocolate-flavored options to enjoy our sugarcane, and each of them makes it difficult to open. Every. Last. one. I can't wait to want the sweet relief of Valentine's Day and the easy opening of paper-thin foil on Hershey's Kiss. happiness.

Get daily updates, exciting content, and featured recommendations.

Get daily updates, exciting content, and featured recommendations.

© 2021 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. · Terms · Privacy Policy

Get daily updates, exciting content, and featured recommendations.

We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analysis. Sometimes, we also use cookies to collect information about young children, but this is a completely different thing. Visit our privacy policy for more information.